It’s time for Kpopalypse roundup! Let’s take a look at some new releases!
V with Park Hyo Shin – Winter Ahead
BTS fans are the biggest marks in all of k-pop. Imagine foisting this laughable cut-price Frank Sinatra bullshit onto literally anyone else, they would reject it in an instant.
Irene – Like A Flower
Irene finally gets a solo and it’s the most unsuitable concept for her ever but she’s being forced to do it by market forces because “light and fluffy” is trending right now. Nothing is light and fluffy about Irene. Just look at her face, she’s like “how did I go from spying on Kim Jong Un to this?”
SEVENTEEN – Shohikigen
Bland song but I love the video concept, shooting mediocre boy groups into space is a great idea, the screams they make when they burn up on re-entry to Earth’s atmosphere will sound like their best song yet.
Taeyeon – Blur
Boring at first, and then truly painful when Taeyeon gets to the high register at the end. It’s like Merzbow without the violence.
Taeyeon – Disaster
Her other song is a little bit better, but it’s still pretty unexciting, the most interesting thing here is the leather jacket.
ENHYPEN – Your Eyes Only
They should have kept this one to my eyes and ears only instead of foisting it upon the world. I would take the bullet for my readers, that’s how much I care about you.
NEXZ – Next Zeneration
The beat is okay but someone forgot to add a song in there. Maybe next time.
Billlie – Bluerose
Fucking sad isn’t it, how the mighty have fallen. Can they just Ginga Minga get the fuck out of elevator music land, yo.
PRIMROSE – Trick or Trigg
I guess they must have really misheard the word “treat” because I noticed a disappointing lack of trigonometry in this video. The Illuminati are feeling very let down by this comeback.
WITCHX – Blala
Not sure what “moving mix” means, that they wobble the camera around a bit perhaps. It does get pretty wobbly at times, I’m surprised none of these girls got hit in the face by the constant panning forward and backward.
Soojin – Lime
I guess Soojin and the only girl in her class who know how to take video on smartphones didn’t get along or something, because this entire thing is zoomed in real close for no apparent reason. I bet she’s the one who started those rumours, if only she added “oh and Soojin doesn’t know where the zoom out control is” along with the bits where they accused Soojin of raping puppies or whatever she would have had instant credibility.
ONEWE – Eraser
mrcs
MYTRO – Life Goes On
Ther isn’t a lot of stuff this week because we’re getting into December now where people just start doing insipid Christmas shit, so it’s looking likely that next week with be the last roundup of 2024 before the inevitable schedule of Christmas/end of year posts start.
ABLUE – Cheese
I like it how k-pop wardrobe departments just go for “black rock group t-shirt” as a standard look so the performers can wind up wearing just about anything from any band. It’s only a matter of time before one of those Impaled Nazarene “Christ is the crucified whore” shirts shows up.
Candy Shop – Welcome to my world
This world really wasn’t worth entering so let’s enter another world instead and have our Asian but not Korean not pop not world music feature here instead, yay! This week it’s a collab between Daisuke Kurosawa and Sakura Yoshida. I don’t know a lot about Daisuke Kurosawa other than he has an excellent X Japan project that does covers of X Japan songs that sound better than the originals because the music is identical but they fix the shit 80s style production of the old studio versions. Sakura Yoshida is the guitarist from Hagane, and I don’t really think Hagane is quite up there with the better Japanese metal bands in terms of songwriting (at least not yet), but she sure shines when she’s got a better song to get her teeth into, as she has here. Also, electric guitars with only one pickup > electric guitars with a bunch of switches and bullshit pickup options I never use.
Jay Chang feat. Tag – What You Need
Back to k-pop and I really wish I hadn’t bothered at all this week.
JAY B – Crash
Really, there’s just nothing much going on this week. It’s all a bit sad really. Will I even have enough semi-listenable songs to make a roundup next week worth doing?
Kyuhyun – Unending Days
Korea and their fucking ballads.
DEAN feat. FKJ – Nasa
More fucking snoozer music for your grandparents. Someone should have shot this one up there with Seventeen to the International Space Station.
Meaningful Stone feat. Swervy – Esc
Can’t say I liked the actual song much but I thought that the transition between parts was really well done, an example for the people who struggle with this, which seems to be just about everyone else.
Roa – Clock It
I want to support but this is kinda balls unfortunately.
Raon – Knock yourself out
Hey I’ve only written a couple chapters of my next book at this point, but I’ve got it about 90% written in my head and that’s what matters and it’s turning out great. Expect it fondly sometime I’d say about mid 2025.
Bikini Cactus feat. Microdot, Son Chamchi – Vision
Looking hard for music I give a fuck about this week, not finding any.
3Li¥en feat. moon, falcon, and DJ DANBO – Skibidi (Girls Not Hot)
Kind of brainless and tuneless and basically not that good (you can just tell by the song title really), but at least it has a beat. It’s also notable for being the best thing Moon’s been in so far.
Garion feat. Gaeko – Pawn Shop
The softer side of 90s hip-hop beats really wasn’t that good back in the day and it’s not good now either. There was so much great stuff back then to imitate, why pick the lame back-of-the-album slow jams.
KOR KASH & Ian Ka$h – Kash on Ka$h
Isn’t bragging about having money just kind of boring. I have no idea why rappers talk about being rich all the time, if I was rich I wouldn’t want any cunt to know about it. I’d be like Jeff Bezos still driving my 25 year old car and wearing sweatpants everywhere.
Fleeky Bang feat. Sik-K – Akuma
Everything’s just so bad this week. How depressing that the best rap track I could find is by some guy called “Fleeky Bang” and it barely even has a beat.
AnnoyingBox – Beam Me Up!
This has yodelling in it. You’ve been warned.
Snake Chicken Soup – I Am My Own God
Okay, at least we have some riffs here. It’s not going to get any better than this. Let’s just leave it here before I go insane.
RANDOM BONUS VIDEOS OF THE WEEK
Viviz seasons greetings 2025
Relevant.
ROSE – APT DRUM | COVER By SUBIN
This drum cover kinda sucks actually. Sure, Subin can play, but she’s adding too much extra bullshit into the song that doesn’t sound good. The result is exactly like the start of the drumming video that I linked in this month’s QRIMOLE where the guy demonstrates how not to drum. She’s serving herself, not serving the song, just like your bias when they do their shitty vocal improvs.
Jonghyun – Crazy
Taking you back to the days when SM Entertainment had a big fuck-off logo taking up a huge chunk of the screen plus ruined all their videos with advertising popups. Dickheads. Anyway Jonghyun looks good here and the song isn’t bad either, certainly not up there with their best of SHINee but also significantly better than anything that came out this week.
That’s all for this week! Kpopalypse roundup returns, for probably the final time in 2024, next week!
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