It’s time for Kpopalypse roundup! Let’s take a look at some new releases!
Jin – Running Wild
What I want to know: why does Jin get all the really good BTS solo songs, and every single other member gets absolute trash? I guess someone in the group had to have some music taste.
Taeyeon – Letter To Myself
Taeyeon’s lighter-waving mid-tempo ballad isn’t bad at all actually. By the look of this video I think she’s going to start playing furry conventions soon.
ILLIT – Tick-Tack
Where have I heard that particular keyboard patch before, gosh certainly not another well-known five-member girl group closely associated with Illit’s company… anyway this song isn’t a bad effort but that chorus is just a bit too annoying with the dit-dat-dee-dat-dit-dat-shit-crap.
ATEEZ – Ice On My Teeth
That slow, boring trap-infused boy-group sound that more and more groups have been leaving behind lately, come on Ateez get with the times.
Stray Kids – Giant
Mostly a giant waste of time, with cool sounds but no real songwriting to back it up.
LE SSERAFIM – Star Signs
Are Le Sserafim going to finally crawl out from under the shadow of their labelmates and rise again to relevance, reclaiming their badass debut sound? No, of course not, don’t be silly.
NEXZ – Nallina
A song that’s mainly just sound effects and chanting, which seems to be what most songwriters think constitutes a chorus these days.
MEOVV – Toxic
Weirdly maudlin and empty. Sometimes minimalism is an asset but it isn’t here. It’s just too little.
Yves – Viola
Not much of a song and definitely worse than her last few, but damn how good did they make her look in the video. No wonder Chuu spent last weekend at Yves’ house instead of appearing in her own music video, we’d all do the same if given the chance, surely.
BIBI – Derre
As per usual Bibi has amazingly good video concepts and dud songs.
Hwasa – Star
A clever arrangement that only kicks into full gear in the closing stages is appreciated but it isn’t enough to save what is basically just another boring acoustic ballad that k-pop already has too many of.
Younha – Point Nemo
Seriously, why bring the amplifiers out onto the beach if you’re just going to mime it anyway. Talk about giving the film crew a ton of unnecessary work, plus all it takes is for one larger than usual wave to come rolling along and there goes your head and cabinet.
Tova Oh – Dizzy
Tova Oh is the artist formerly known as UZA and I’m not really that much into her latest song although the sounds from the synths are at least really good.
Nakyoung, Mayu, Shion, Chaewon – Polaroid
Only really notable for that weird “big band jazz” changeup at 1:14, nothing else about this really sticks out and especially not the people in it who I have no chance of remembering and yes I will mention that each and every time this TripleS group is covered here just because it seems to annoy people you’re welcome.
CLASS:y – Psycho and Beautiful
I keep forgetting that CLASS:y is essentially T-ara 3.0 but it’s easy to forget that with middling songs like this. I do really like that odd lumpy bass-drum noise that happens when the beat kicks in though, like they farted out the microphone diaphragm by riding the gain too high but just left it in the mix anyway. It’s not the worst or weirdest idea that someone at that agency has ever had.
PRIMROSE – Steal Heart
Some readers assumed that I wouldn’t like this, and they’re right, but it’s not that bad. Well okay, it’s pretty shit, but it’s not agressively shit, it’s more just garden variety fertilise-your-lawn shit.
TIOT – Take It Slow
Accurate song title of the week.
A-Plus – Error
Definitely an error on the agency’s part to think that this was release-worthy.
BigOcean – Flow
It says a lot about the quality of k-pop in 2024 when a group of deaf people can realistically compete with the other offerings out there with no major problem.
8TURN – You Are My Reason
You are my reason for moving onto the next video.
TVXQ! with Toho Band – It’s True It’s Here
Horrible, horrible song but worth a look just for the scene at 4:06. Never mind the dudes waving their hands, look at all that neatly-organised old-school stationery. These are the people at the forefront of k-pop “culture technology”, sitting there with old school twisty metal crank sharpeners. How are aespa getting back to Kwangya, hitching a ride on fucking Sputnik? Catching a lift from The Wright Brothers?
AMPERS&ONE – Calling You Back
I think I’ll let this one go to voicemail.
DXTEEN – Level Up
Actually one of the better boy groups comebacks lately. It’s not amazing but it is straightforward and pleasant enough and a bit pacy so that puts it in the top 5% for this week easily.
JAESSBEE – All of you and now
Okay, someone give me the backstory, why is this popular. Not that popularity is or isn’t a determining factor in quality or anything, not making a judgement here (for once), I just want to know, thanks.
Daychild – Stunning
Kind of weirdly atmospheric and not all that good.
Dream Route – Let’s take a rest
Let’s take a rest from reviewing shit songs and instead put the weekly Asian but not Korean not pop not world music feature here, yay! If you want to hear ridiculous guitar shredding look no further than Chinese guitar shred video collabs. I’m sure you can find tons of these on Billibilli but not many make it to YouTube, I liked this one because it has a few different styles including a fusion section so you jazz eggheads (hi Annie) can fap, enjoy.
Anda – Dawn
Your community service announcement that Anda is still a thing and making songs. I’m not really into this but at least she’s still doing it and not marrying a Saudi prince or something.
Baekhyun – Rendez-vous
What is this fucking lounge music bollocks, is this what the kids are into these days, god I hope not.
Yesung – There She Goes Again
There Yesung goes again with another boring song I don’t care about. Damn, what a slow week.
KAVE – You
Who are these people? I have no idea but hey the song is good! Sure, the lyrics make no fucking sense at all but I’m not gonna hold that against it, this is rocking and really makes up for the lack of quality stuff this week.
KARDI – No Need
This isn’t bad either. They don’t quite have a song I like but at least they turned the guitars up.
Verycoybunny – Red Flag
One day this group will have a song I really like, but this isn’t it.
Sohyang – Surrender
In an alternative universe, incredibly good singers actually get incredibly good songs to sing, instead of propping up the most generic trash imaginable.
Junoflo feat. Lyricks – 24 HRZ
It’s hard to give a fuck about the “soft rimtap weak shit” end of hip-hop. Or about roundup in general this week so I’ll leave it here.
RANDOM BONUS VIDEOS OF THE WEEK
Wonho – Practice Till You Make It – Practice behind the scenes part 2
I thought readers might enjoy Wonho getting ready for his fans by practicing several important dance routines, including the ass-shaking from Viviz “Maniac”, you’re welcome.
VIVIZ = ‘Shhh!’ Dance Practice (Moving ver.)
We had Wonho dance practice so in the name of equal opportunity we have to have a Viviz dance practice here too. Kpopalypse is all about diversity and including the maximum amount of tastes, I hope you appreciate this effort.
KARA – Jumping
Kara had some great tracks back in the day, but I was never much of a fan of “Jumping”. It’s agreeably high-energy but it’s also pretty screechy and overloaded with vocal layers and it just wears down the ears after a very short amount of listening. It does not make me want to pretty.
That’s all for this week! Kpopalypse roundup returns next week!
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