It’s time for Kpopalypse roundup! Let’s take a look at some new releases!
(G)I-DLE – Klaxon
I don’t like this song not because it’s badly done but just because I don’t like this kind of thing in general. However I’m just happy that the best lyricist in the commercial end of k-pop is back and NO I’m definitely not being sarcastic about that. Overall, I’m joking a lot less than readers think I am.
Taeyeon – Heaven
Just kind of average disco stuff. That swapping between Taeyeon’s face and the bear is one of the unintentionally weirdest things I’ve ever seen.
Aespa – Hot Mess
Great backing track, killer sounds, amazing video (and there really should be a “best bandaid” category in the objectification survey which is available for you to fill in right now by clicking HERE, folks) – but what the fuck are they doing with the melody? Seriously, who thought that at 1:09 “gosh a major arpeggio would go well there”? And that’s just one example. Someone take the songwriter out the back of SM HQ and don’t shoot them or anything because they did get it partly right but I dunno maybe just rough them up a bit.
CSR – Higher
CSR have clearly had a changing of the guard in the song-generation department because their new stuff sure doesn’t hold a candle to their old stuff.
Key – Tongue Tied
Every boy group member wants to be Taemin including Taemin’s groupmates.
TXT – We’ll Never Change
This really isn’t too bad but damn does it need a bit of a kick to get it into gear, it’s plodding along like a learner driver. “We’ll never change” refers to shifting gears it seems.
BE:FIRST x ATEEZ – Hush-Hush
I had no idea who BE:First are but I can’t imagine this generic nonsense being first for anything.
Lee Chaeyeon – Don’t
While “ring my bell” is a hideous lyric that brings back awful memories for anyone who was alive in my country in the 1980s, and the phone vibrate noise is incredibly annoying like all phone vibrate noises are, everything else here is honestly great and exactly what a pop song should be.
Xdinary Heroes – Love and Fear
Actually this isn’t too bad, after about 57 flops they finally kind of almost have a song that’s sometimes semi-listenable in parts. I guess they had to get it half-right eventually.
STAYC – 1 Thing
StayC’s B-side comes across slightly better than their recent feature track just because everything fits together more sensibly. Simple and effective.
VIVIZ – Love or Die
It’s no “Untie” but I would still happily put this on if I had some housework to do, or if I just wanted to decide where to place my votes for Viviz members in the Kpopalypse 2024 Objectification Survey which is on right now, just saying.
VVUP – Ain’t Nobody
Gosh this flaccid song hasn’t been inspired by anything in particular hey.
ALL(H)OURS – Shock
A boy group song worth giving a fuck about, it’s been a while. The beat dropping out every so often is an annoying bit of time-wasting, but when this song is on it’s fucking on.
TRENDZ – Season of You
If you’re wondering why roundup was a bit late this week it’s because I totally lost all interest in doing it after hearing this song and started watching random shit on YouTube instead.
GreatGuys – I Love You
What is this children’s TV crap.
UNIV – Keep It Luv
I’m told this is “a project group made by uni students”. If I was their professor I would give this a pass, but it’s too smooth to get extra credit.
Afgan feat. Jessi – Escape
Look out – Jessi is singing again! Pity this song isn’t that exciting but hey it’s a small step in the right direction, now we just got to get the songs happening.
Park Chorong – Fallin’
Cruisy and pleasant enough but probably not going to get on any other Kpopalypse lists besides the one you’re possibly expecting it to get on.
DALsooobin – Muck
An absolute banger of a chorus helps get an otherwise pretty ordinary song over the line. Pity about the AI generated videos but I guess if you wanna warm the planet, every wanna warm the planet.
Elkie feat. Yoanna Sun – Be My Enemy
The last time Elkie released a song it was so boring that I put my Asian but non-Korean non-pop non-world-music feature here instead, and this song’s just as dull so I’m going to do the same thing again. I’ve written about them before but this is just a reminder that India’s Good As Gross exist and are a pretty phenomenal… I don’t know what you call this? Technical deathcore? Blackened symphonic djent? Speed somethingorother? I can’t keep track of these fuckin’ genres, man. Anyway they have some ridiculously good musicianship all round and you could listen to them if you wanted to. Also they are so fucking nugu it’s ridiculous given the quality of what they do, this live video of them doesn’t even have triple digits, sad times…
Soyou, Jungigo – Love Recipe
Back to k-pop and here we have a remake of some old song you don’t care about that didn’t make it any better.
BE’O feat. MC Mong – Criminal
This song is just kind of there. If it played while you were shopping in a supermarket you wouldn’t even notice the music change over from Coldplay or whatever. Not saying it sounds like Coldplay but you get the idea, or maybe you don’t, whatever…
JU-NE – Feel Lost
Incorrect Shure Super 55 use means that this person is cancelled.
Mashiho – Just the 2 of us
We’re getting into the boring k-pop boy solo projects section of roundup, god help us.
Jaehan – Time Difference
The time difference between me hearing this boring balladeering crap and switching it off was very short.
Synsnake – My Soul Is A Wasteland
Synsnake are here to save roundup. They have the songs, they have the guitars with weird shapes, they have the suave but cute corporate-metal look, all they’re missing is the huge fanbase, someone should do something about it.
Luli Lee – Drop Drop
Luli Lee’s song is also pretty rocking, it’s a lot pacier and punchier than the usual stuff she does. I support.
Yunicorn19 – Idea
I don’t know what this is or what it means but it’s not bad. The nugus are smashing it this week.
Ah Shinae – Hold Me Now
I don’t really like this type of thing but I just thought it might interest you because it’s on P Nation and… oh, never mind. You won’t like it either, probably.
Sojung – Barely had a drink
Ladies Code members, forever stuck in ballad hell these days. Nothing to do with that group in particular, I think most second generation girl group members are experiencing the same fate these days.
HYUKOH, Sunset Rollercoaster – Antenna
I wasn’t very interested in this music but the sounds are nice, also it mrcs
Bikini Cactus – I Want to be Naked
I liked this. She’s clearly done the K-pop vs Electro-Industrial EPILEPSY MV CHALLENGE and couldn’t quite get through the harder stuff so she’s warning everyone before she drops her very own similar song and video, that’s very considerate.
The Quiett – UGRS (Feat. Paul Blanco, CHANGMO)
Rappers are just going to start using AI videos to convince viewers that they’re really “real hip hop” or something aren’t they. Get ready for deepfaked chains around people’s necks.
Owen, Marv, Foggyatthebottom, Kwon Ki Baek – TEAM TOMODACHI COREA REMIX
That’s enough. Let’s just stop roundup for now.
RANDOM BONUS VIDEOS OF THE WEEK
Jeewon – Eternal Time at Waterbomb
Oh no, look at Jeewon being horribly exploited. Look how obviously miserable she is, she just can’t stop frowning and being sad. Clearly she’s been forced into this Waterbomb endeavour by a cruel, exploitative company. I felt that we should definitely do something to save her from this terrible fate, so I contacted one of those companies that drives trucks up to the front of agency buildings with big LED signs strapped to them carrying protest messages. I asked them to please put a sign on the truck saying PROTECT JEEWON and drive it up to her company HQ, imagine my shock when the nice person on the phone told me that they couldn’t do that because there was already a big milk truck parked right there and it was too large for them to find a decent parking spot… well I’ll be damned…
Chuu – Strawberry Rush & Aliens at Waterbomb
Of course when Chuu does Waterbomb nobody complains, nobody starts concern-trolling “thoughts?” threads fishing for outrage, we just accept it. Why? It’s the same fucking thing, you dickheads. Hell, Jeewon and Chuu even look a lot like each other when they’re smiling, they both have that same infectious eye-smile that’s impossible to fake and indicates they’re enjoying every minute. That’s my main takeaway from Waterbomb this year, but it isn’t yours because you’re DIRTY and you’ll always be DIRTY, you FILTHY PERVERT YOU ARE NOT PURE AND CLEAN LIKE KPOPALYPSE, I ONLY THINK THE CLEAN PURE THOUGHTS ABOUT IDOLS, HOW DARE YOU EVEN LOOK AT MY BIAS WITH YOUR FILTHY MALE/FEMALE/NON-BINARY/PREFER NOT TO DISCLOSE GAZE, YOU DISGUST ME oh by the way do the Kpopalypse 2024 Objectification Survey it’s open all month and it’s anonymous so you can do it and still pretend to be someone who wouldn’t do that sort of thing, cheers you fucking pervert
Ladies Code – Pretty Pretty
Ladies Code’s early songs have dated really well, and “Pretty Pretty” isn’t bad at all in retrospect just because it sticks to one consistent pace and tone, even if it does have a bit of oversinging running through it. The real star of their early career was “Hate You” though, which I put on favourites lists back in the day while everyone else was ignoring the group completely and calling me a hipsterish nugu stanner for even noticing them (which is actually what inspired me to do the “Nugu Alert” series).
That’s all for this week! Kpopalypse roundup returns next week!
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