It’s time for Kpopalypse roundup! Let’s take a look at some new releases!
Irene – Biggest Fan
A reasonable track that sounds like something Girls Generation would have done for a Japanese album in 2014. If SM are smart they’ll lean into this style a little more, but they’re not, so we’ll probably have Irene doing some absolute poop sooner rather than later.
Seo Eve – No Carrots
File this with all the other definitely-above-average Seo Eve songs. How does she keep getting things basically right while your bias keeps fucking up and being painfully mid? Scientists will study this one day.
Baby DONT Cry – Bittersweet
Baby Don’t Cry are doing well this year. About time P Nation had some artists on them actually doing consistently relevant stuff.
CSR – Can’t Hide Anymore
This AI slopotronic video isn’t quite as offensive as they often can be, and the song is at least reasonable, but it’s pretty clear that the money and creativity are both running dry for CSR when they’re resorting to this poop. You all didn’t stream “Pop Pop” enough I guess.
Moonbyul – Hertz
Moonbyul basically goes for a latter-day Dreamcatcher sound and even though the song is obviously flawed in that latter-day Dreamcatcher kind of way she still fits the concept probably better than Dreamcatcher themselves did.
Seventeen – Tiny Light
The best song of Seventeen’s career is for some reason a surprise release paired with an anime furry abomination that’s so ugly you’ll pine for the days when the worst visuals in k-pop you had to contend with were Little Psy’s malformed teeth.
BamBam x Minnie – Carry You
So I get Minnie skins on PUBG Mobile but if I play the desktop version all I get is a frypan with Allday Project written on it? Sad times. If there’s one thing worse than computer games that get enshittified with ever-increasing microtransactions, it’s when they can’t even milk my wallet correctly. I’ll happily be financially exploited if you guys at PUBG Corp give me a reason.
Dok2 & Lee Hi – You & Me
Dok2 and Lee Hi apparently announced their relationship by releasing this song, which is kind of cute actually but it also means she’s going to be stuck providing the token bland R&B chorus girl vocals on every new shitty soft Dok2 rap track for the forseeable future.
TWS & 24kGoldn – You Like It I Love It
Some ad for something or other that you’re probably best to not spend your money on.
Xdinary Heroes – X Room
Should have called it “Y Room” as in “why does this exist”.
Wonpil – Love Ward
Sorry but the most interesting thing about this was all the air-conditioners on the wall at 0:54.
KEYVITUP – Best One
Pretty generic boy group stuff. Even the room they’re in is generic. Just one plushie would have been enough to spice things up. As long as it isn’t AI.
DIGNITY – Slipshot
Whoever thought that spinning metal thing looked good needs some psychiatric help. It reminds me of when they remastered the Star Wars trilogy to include crappy CGI creatues that they were so proud of that they’d just make them dominate the frame for no reason. George Lucas is a good lesson in everything not to do as a creative person.
SF9 – Love Comes Slowly
Love might come slowly but my care factor for this song leaves quickly.
Hi-Fi Un!corn – Still You
Fucking awful. Someone get every copy of Extreme’s “More Than Words” in Korea and put it in a pile and burn it like disco demolition night.
OWIS – Museum
About 235 of you all let me know that this group contains Luli Lee, ex Nmixx Jinni, Adora, Lovelyz Ryu Sujeong and ex Kiss Of Life creative director Lee Haein, which is the executive director of this group. And that’s a crying shame because I sure as hell would rather see those actual people in this video and not these lame avatars, but we’ll probably never get to. Robbed of Adora visual domination.
Sunhye & Doeun – Sundae Song
Rappers: do not use Autotune. Not even once. It does not make you sound good. It does not make you sound like a singer. You just sound like every other idiot who does this. Just stop. Autotuned rappers are no fun. Autotuned rappers endanger the life and happiness of millions. It must stop. We appeal in particular to the youth of today. Stop the madness! There are better things in life.
Minjae, Sumin & Yechan – Delulu
See, this kinda sucks, but it would suck way worse with Autotune on.
Kangmin – Free Falling
I guess bossanova going into fast breakbeats is different but I don’t think it really works here.
Jo Kwon – Like I Do
“Like I Do” is one of those cursed song titles, where the song will always be shit, because if you’re the kind of person who thinks “Like I Do” is a good song title then you probably don’t have a creative bone in your body so no good music is ever going to come from you.
Daybreak – Drip_Da
People were really keen for me to cover this song and I don’t know why because it’s just that incredibly boring “slightly rock, slightly funk, but not too much of any one thing just in case we accidentally make the song interesting” style that Korean bands excel at. I’m not old enough to like music like this yet, get back to me once I’m in the old folks home (so probably in about three months).
21univ. – Flying Penguin
In the past, sometimes people when trying to pin down what I like and dislike would come to the conclusion “he likes high female voices” because girl groups tend to do better in my favourites list than boy groups. Just a heads up that anyone who has ever thought that about me is wrong, but probably did so because k-pop fans are weirdly, creepily obsessed with vocals vocals vocals vocals fucking vocals and don’t even seem to notice anything else about the music they listen to whatsoever. That’s why it took literally a decade before people realised there was a slowly oscillating sine wave all throughout Twice’s “TT“, k-pop fans have an incredible inability to detect musical instruments. So when someone else either likes or doesn’t like something they think “oh it must be because of the vocals” because they’re so blind to everything else. Hey, instruments exist too, dipshits. Anyway this song here is okay I guess but I actually don’t like the vocal style all that much because it’s a bit grating, but I can look past it and still listen to it because I’m not a vocally obsessed fuckwit like every other k-pop fan ever, that’s what I was trying to say with this.
verycoybunny – Help!
I always get a bit excited when verycoybunny has a new song out and then I listen to it and remember that I don’t actually like her music all that much.
Jeon Yu Jin – Gayo Gayo
You really wish trot performers would change up their backings just a little sometimes.
Ahfoné – Wantu2stay
Shares of 2NE1 in this song by this incredibly nugu solo artist, it’s actually pretty catchy. Even the Autotune can’t wreck this one.
Mooii – Hangover
This is pretty cool and has the kind of passion in it that all those limp Korean rock bands could use a little more of.
Lady Saw vs Heckler
Your random non k-pop video this week is Jamaican dancehall queen Lady Saw getting hecked by some douche in the audience and improvising a whole rap takedown in response. I’m a big fan.
RANDOM BONUS VIDEOS OF THE WEEK
imma stan that – was that performance REALLY live? (at last)
The people who continually ask me “is this live?” go ask this person instead, they seem to actually care. Mind you while the analysis here is generally good they fail to differentiate between “live on the spot” and “live prerecord for playback later” a lot of times (although they do mention the possibility at 4:51 here). Microphone bumps and other artifacts don’t prove it’s truly live, they just prove that they’re not using the studio audio. Some groups will do a more “controlled” live performance behind closed doors where they’re dancing and singing at the same time but focusing mainly on getting the vocals right rather than the moves but still doing the moves to some degree (so you still get all those “look it’s really live!” breath noises, bumps, etc) and then when the actual live performance happens they play that performance back and the girls or boys can focus on the dancing.
KOCOWA TV – Orange Caramel Music Brings Idol Nana Back | The Manager EP390
At least Nana misses Orange Caramel. Raina is too deep in ballad land now and Lizzy is probably passed out in Wonyoung’s lap under a bridge somewhere after a night of binge drinking. Let’s hope Nana can get the girls back together… or even better, some new girl group gives this style a shot with all-new songs. We can dream of better days.
Orange Caramel – Bangkok City
All of Orange Caramel has aged really well, simply because nobody has the guts to do it like this anymore, or at least not consistently. You know what’s so good about “Bangkok City”? No prechorus at all, just straight in. Great pop music with no foreplay, and foreplay is fine and all, we like foreplay, but it can get a bit old when every new song has exactly the same pre-chorus beat drop/build up. Sometimes you just want to take it straight up against the wall.
That’s all for this week! Kpopalypse roundup returns next week! Oh and don’t forget about the latest Kpopalypse survey which still has some time left to run! You’ll feel like an idiot if you miss out! Stay safe, caonimas!
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