It’s time for Kpopalypse roundup! Let’s take a look at some new releases!
Hearts2Hearts – Pretty Please
This cruisy but vapid attempt at 90s something-or-other is just kind of “there”, with plenty of hip-hop samples from god knows where about 30 dB back in the mix and probably uncredited. It’s early Girls’ Generation without the clunky excitement of a label doing this for the first time.
Yerin – Awake
Yerin doesn’t look awkward and ill-fitting for once, the casual rock style here suits her well. The song isn’t up to the same standard but at least it fits with everything else and doesn’t do anything stupid.
VIVIZ – Cliché
Not the greatest song ever but I’m sure I’ll get into it more than I did on first listen because just like “Maniac” and “Sssh” I’ll probably be replaying it to myself 100 times while watching Eunha fancams. You can expect it on the inevitable “best songs of the 2020s” post in 2030 just because I will have probably Stockholm Syndromed my way into actually liking it by then just by being a pervert.
Corbyn Besson & Tzuyu – Blink
Speaking of perverts, watching Corbyn here (who?) lusting after Tzuyu during this shit song has all the energy of watching your high school friend chase after your maths teacher. Just because you wouldn’t go there doesn’t mean he’s not out of his league.
Dayoung – Number One Rockstar
Dayoung’s second song is better than her first and actually reasonably good, even if it doesn’t spend enough of its running length actually rocking.
APOKI – Chemical
The bunny is back and this time she sounds like a cross between my gym’s crappy dance playlist and a Kpop Demon Hunters song. At least it has a decent beat though, a NewJeansified Apoki really would be too much to cope with right now.
P1Harmony – EX
Remember when BTS said that it was really important to sing in Korean because [insert reasons here] and then they forgot all about it a year or two later when those western pop crossover dollars came knocking? Now everyone’s doing it, how ironic that they spearheaded that particular trend. In P1Harmony’s case it means cheesy lyrics about being a slut or something, which is fine I guess, it’s still more honest than “Cookie“.
TREASURE – Now Forever
Don’t die of shock but a YG boy group did something useful this decade besides testify in court! Easily the best thing to come out of YG in ages, complete with a bonkers keyboard solo, a whole bunch of stealing the “Flashdance” riff and just lots of melodic goodness overall, it even works at the end when they jump the shark and start millenial-whooping. Amazing.
MONSTA X – Fire & Ice
Even the boys of Monsta X themselves don’t look like they’re really into this one.
HITGS – A-ha
A pretty cool song that’s quite simple and isn’t going to win any awards, but it’s short and lively and doesn’t fuck anything up too much unless you count the eyesore AI-assisted CGI in the video.
Cosmosy – High=Love
Absolute crap that combines a lot of what’s wrong with the last decade of k-pop into one hideous package. What a waste of some actually pretty good visual design.
Cosmosy – Princess=Kiss
Another fucking mess, completely tonally wrong. I probably should have gone with my initial gut instinct and banned this group completely from roundup forever but I didn’t and now we all suffer.
Cortis – Lullaby
“Directed by Cortis & Idiots”, hey I can’t argue with that.
CHEN – Arcadia
Nothing much to see or hear here, just letting you know that the microphone use is correct in this case.
ONE OR EIGHT – Bet Your Life
When I was a kid I strung a thick rubber band over a cricket bat and wedged a soap holder under there, and it was like my first ever guitar. This group sound like they’ve turned that idea I had when I was eight into a whole song.
TIOT – My Pride
Bossafuckingnova again, thanks Twice for nothing.
AxMxP – Love Poem
Can we all just take a moment to calmly sit back and reflect and really ponder deeply what a fucking shit name for a band “AxMxP” is? We might as well take the time to think about it because there’s nothing in this song worth thinking about.
The Deep – Different
The Deep winning visually as usual. Damn I found out about this video at a bad time, right after my bias list post came out. It’s okay girl, I appreciate the effort, I’ll remember you fondly for 2026!
AIMERS – Called Game
It’s okay once it gets going but it’s not as good as these parrots.
OX:N – Orpheus
This subunit thing is poop so let’s put our weekly non-Korean LGBT feature here instead, yay! This week it’s Goldfrapp, who I didn’t even know was more LGBT than a ChuuVes computer game but hey, the more you know. Anyway she’s amazing, all those “vocal analyst” types in k-pop should do themselves a favour and get the fuck out of k-pop and analyse this instead.
The KingDom – Last Flower
Speaking of LGBT, the KingDom finally get back to doing what they do best which is flouncing around in multicoloured hanbok and making me question my sexuality.
M4SK – Azayaka Panorama
Oh, Nacoco’s band is called Mask, who could have possibly predicted that. The song is nothing special but let’s support Mfoursk anyway, maybe she’ll take the mask off if she wins a music show like Pink Fantasy’s Daewang promised to.
MINIMANI – Lock Him Up
This week’s trot thing is well-executed, but as generic as trot gets. Trot is like 12 bar blues, all the more basic groups only have one song that they do in various configurations, fast, slow, different words, different beat, but it’s still the same thing at its core. Don’t believe the sign, they know exactly where they’re going – the same place we’ve all been before in every other trot song.
from20 – Social
I’m actually really surprised that From20 didn’t do better in the Kpopalypse Objectification Survey this year, as he’s one of the few who really brings out the fanservice. I suppose if you were one of the three people who voted for him you can get your online dating fantasy fix here.
Chanyeol – Zuruiyo
So boring, not even as tragically inept as the song title suggests.
WOODZ – I’ll Never Love Again
We’ll never love you again either if you keep making dreary music like this.
Kino – Club Sex Cigarette
Promising song title but it’s ruined by the vocal processing and general sterility which just doesn’t work with the rock thing they’re aiming for.
eaJ – Put it on me
I can’t take this seriously because he looks so much like a thot.
Lee Jun Young – Bounce
Putting this one here just for the awful chorus.
MUSHVENOM – I don’t know
I really appreciate the insanity of whatever this is. I dig it, good job, I’ll forgive you the AI filters.
Park Seojin – Shall We Date?
Nah I’m good thanks.
Kan Mi Youn – Our Movie
I remember Kan Mi Youn (ex-Baby Vox), she had some great solo songs about 15 years ago, I highly recommend. This one is nothing much however, and it’s so short it’s barely even a song at all. Putting it here anyway because it’s a really good look at the Shure Super 55. The microphone in this video thumbnail, and the entire video itself, is actually pointed straight at the camera, so this is what the mic should look like from the first person perspective if you were going to sing into it (and you were maybe about 8cm too short because it is tilted just slightly too high). She’s actually standing behind the thing, like she’s inviting you to step up and do your vocal part and sing to her. Kind of romantic even if that wasn’t what was intended.
RANDOM BONUS VIDEOS OF THE WEEK
POV : WINTER is your personality
As a mega introvert I think Winter is probably on my level of introversion or close to it. Don’t get me wrong though – unlike Jennie, I’ve never been out with any girls like Winter because it’s impossible to even get a conversation going between two hardcore introverts. We could never date because we’d go to a place and just sit there and not talk to each other and be totally okay with that and afterward think “well that was nice but I would have preferred to do that alone”.
What is “Stiffness”?
Oh lord, they’re unironically making videos on “stiffness” now. The disease that started with vocals has not only just spread to rap, it’s now infecting dance. Just stop it, people. I know what stiffness is anyway, I’ve seen Wonho’s instagram.
Secret – I’m In Love
When Secret weren’t doing “Crazy In Love” clones, they were usually doing some weird R&B type thing like this. This song is so shit it even has a slow jazz style breakdown, just awful. At least the video looks good and it’s always good to see second-gen feminist queen Hyosung do her thing. She paved the way so Chodan could walk along the path.
That’s all for this week! Kpopalypse roundup returns next week!
No comments:
Post a Comment