It’s time for Kpopalypse roundup! Let’s take a look at some new releases!
IVE – XOXZ
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Pabllo Vittar, NMIXX – MEXE
Whoever’s making decisions at Nmixx HQ definitely knows their audience as a collab with a drag queen is definitely what the doctor ordered for k-pop market penetration, just a pity that the song doesn’t measure up to Pabllo’s thicc thighs. Does this mean he is a k-pop? I’m not sure but you can vote for whoever you damn well want in the 2025 Kpopalypse Objectification Survey which I’m only leaving up for one more week so vote by clicking HERE while you still can!
Kep1er – Bubble Gum
After several years of being shit someone’s finally getting it right for Kep-one-er, and “Bubble Gum” continues the trend of fast, punchy songs set by “Yum” earlier this year.
Stray Kids – Ceremony
Not as annoyingly noisy as the usual annoyingly noisy k-boy slop, it actually kind of works, probably because it doesn’t change up anything all that much. If you’re going to do it, do it all the way.
Chanyeol – Upside Down
In the prisons of the future, inmates will be forced to sing about their own torture. They probably won’t have pet goats though.
Moonbyul – Goodbyes and Sad Eyes
Moonbyul is at her worst when she’s doing songs that just sound like Mamamoo rejects, and at her best when doing stuff like this which is way out of the territory that her full group would ever touch. It’s rocking.
FIFTY FIFTY – Take My Hand
Not the best song from Fifty Fifty but still at least average enough to sit with all their other songs comfortably.
KATSEYE – Mean Girls
All those people who complained about “Gnarly” being too… gnarly, I guess, should probably have saved their complaints for this song instead, which is absolute poop.
TWICE – Like 1
I definitely didn’t see Twice being heavier than Dreamcatcher coming, but I’ll take it, thanks JYP Christian Ministries Inc!
HUS feat. Chuu – BBB
I swear I did a double-triple-quadruple take just now, but no, I’m at least 80% sure that’s not Chuu in the video, calm down everyone. Of course you could still vote for Chuu or whoever else in the 2025 Kpopalypse Objectification Survey which is up for one more week so vote by clicking HERE while you still can!
Yuju – Orion
Yuju’s in that “standing in green fields” stage of her career.
TEEN TOP – Cherry Pie
So who knew Teen Top were still a thing? Apparently they are, and not only that but their song doesn’t suck. The mysteries of this world continue.
AB6IX – Stupid
What’s with all the bonnets in k-pop music videos lately. Don’t tell me it’s some trendy tradwife thing, I don’t believe that, not when there’s men here wearing them. It must be something else. Someone unlock this mystery for me.
Queenz Eye – ACHA!
One of the girls gets a phone call at the start of the video and then leaves the phone on the ground. At the end of the song it’s still ringing. Pondering over what this might mean was way more interesting than the song, which sounds cheap-ass but has over a million views already for some reason. Maybe it was their viewbotting company ringing back to tell them the job is done.
SECRET NUMBER – Don’t Touch
You know they’re not even trying with the box videos anymore when the thing starts in what looks like a jail cell. Of course then the Paradise Diner shows up, right on cue. The secret number is still two.
UNIS – Spring Rain
Cool keys help this song stand out a little. We’re just grateful we don’t have to put up with Fender Rhodes yet again. Also I like this group because I like the way Gehlee annoys everyone simply by breathing in air.
VVS – Touch It
Touch it? I don’t think I want to be as the same room as it.
8TURN – Electric Heart
A second gen boy group throwback that isn’t too bad. People are discovering that boy songs can have melody again, it’s amazing. Now we just need to work on all the girl groups who are still shouting like something is in their area.
Wendy – Believe
Probably not a bad ballad I suppose but just so incredibly sterile.
LUN8 – Motley Crew
I wonder how the Japanese feel with stuff like this gtetting imported to them all the time. They’re never going to let go of Dodko at this rate, they might consider it fair compensation.
&TEAM – Run Wild
Nothing all that wild going on here unless this is your very first time hearing disco bollocks.
EPEX – Morning to Midnight
I don’t care about this song and neither do you so let’s have our weekly non-Korean LGBT feature here instead, yay! This week it’s Sleater-Kinney. I went and saw this band live not long before they broke up in the mid-2000s (they’ve since reformed) and it was a very kick ass show. Trivia that may be useful for some is that the two guitarists were a couple when the band first formed, but broke off their relationship pretty early into the band’s career but continued to make music together. Given how often relationships between band members tend to fuck over a band dynamic in a lot of cases I think it’s awesome that they’re still going because it proves that you don’t have to be a dick about things when relationships don’t work and you can just continue to ROCK.
NOWZ – Day_and
Should have shot him like he asked before he started singing.
NouerA – Myself
This nugu group’s song isn’t too bad but what’s really blowing me away here is how many subscribers the channel has versus how many people have watched this thing.
CHEEZE – Lost Star
I know you all like the new album reviews but you folks do realise of course that as I start reviewing albums more and more I’m going to come across ever increasing numbers of albums where every song sounds this bland. Pray for me to the deity of your choice.
Lee Harin – Ippeuni
Trot feels like the biggest troll of its own audience sometimes. “Yes, I’m looking sexy, now watch me dance and sing in the most stupid way possible as I attempt to kill your boner utterly”. Some dudes in old folks homes are crying right now into their microwaved roast meat and three veg.
Onthedal – Bye My Night
Mellow Pink Floyd style jamming and wholesome BADING vibes here, recommended.
Garzón Robie feat. Cifika – PC CAFE
I feel like some of my readers can probably relate to this one.
Moon Myang – Brrrm
Hey this is pacy and rocking plus it mrcs, so let’s end roundup here because it’s not going to get better than this.
RANDOM BONUS VIDEOS OF THE WEEK
kpopstuffs – the most overused sample in kpop
Debates about sampling pretty much fall straight on their ass once you start talking about one single small sound. At that point it’s just an “instrument” and you might as well get mad at two violinists for plagiarising each other because one of the violins doesn’t sound like an oboe.
kpoppin – Former Weeekly member is free?
Jiyoon was a Kpopalypse sidebar girl so we knew that good things were going to happen to her, and they did.
TVXQ – Hi Ya Ya
Obviously this song is crap, but TVXQ fans should at least savour the video while they can, because you know what happens soon – AI remasters that delete the JYJ members out of the video completely. You were told here first.
That’s all for this week! Kpopalypse roundup returns next week! In the meantime, don’t forget that this is the last motherfucking week that the Kpopalypse 2025 Objectification Survey is open, so CLICK HERE to participate and preserve the freedom and democracy of this planet, one set of shining abs at a time! DON’T MISS OUT!
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