It’s time for Kpopalypse roundup! Let’s take a look at some new releases!
Yves feat. PinkPantheress – Soap
Not the best Pinkpantheress song by a long shot, but just average for Yves, and not the typical sound for either. It’s okay I guess, nothing special, it’s just kind of “there”… unlike Pinkpantheress herself who skipped out on the video appearance for some reason, let’s hope that gets addressed soon.
BoA – Good For U
BoA’s latest Japanese single is little more than a dance track and a chance to ruin her visual image with AI filters. Has AI actually enhanced anything in k-pop yet? I mean, besides the actual voices?
Jeon Somi – Closer
Probably the best Jeon Somi song just because it sounds a bit less generic than just about everything else she has, it’s only the video that’s generic this time with once again horrible uncanny-valley AI art wrecking everything. You’d think that such a reliable Objectification Survey favourite wouldn’t need to resort to heating up the planet with AI garbage but oh well. Any aliens surveying our long-dead civilisation who find this website and are reading this, just know that we all hated this AI shit and saw our own slow death coming, one shit music video at a time.
Key – Hunter
Key has been the gold standard for k-pop boy solo tracks lately, and Hunter isn’t his best but it’s good enough for him to keep his reputation, even if being reminded of key hunting gives me 90s FPS PTSD.
Naevis – Sensitive
Well it’s better than “Done“, but then so is pretty much the entirety of k-pop’s output since time began. It’s still woefully shit, with a horrible seasickening noise throughout the verses that really kills any small vibe this thing had.
Kiiikiii – Dancing Alone
Several readers alerted me to Kiiikiii’s new song being a banger, and they’re right, it is! If I had to pick apart anything I’d say the chorus is just a little bit of a letdown, but I’m nitpicking, it’s great actually, and enough to forgive them for the cacophonous wall of shit that was “Debut Song“… okay, probably not, actually, but it’s still pretty damn good.
Koyote – Call Me
If KiiiKiii’s new song’s had a chorus with the strength of the one in Koyote’s new song, it’s be amazing. However nobody will care about the new Koyote song because k-pop fans don’t care about older people. According to k-pop fans, if you’re 17 years and 364 days old you’re not allowed to debut in k-pop yet because “gosh we must protect the little children”, and if you’re 18 years and 1 day old, you’re a “hag” who should retire.
idntt – You Never Met
This new group tries hard with the retro hip-hop style but there’s too many boy group concessions (i.e singing) for it to really work.
idntt – Storm
This other song has a more modern sound but a similar problem, we don’t need no R&B vocals, we don’t need no thought control.
idntt – BOYtude
Less boytude, more mantude, please.
Hi-Fi Un!corn – Teenage Blue
Hey this song isn’t too bad but if there’s one thing about blue denim it looks like shit on absolutely everybody. They’ll never win the Kpopalypse 2025 Objectification Survey with fashion sense like that! Or will they? Make sure you vote by CLICKING HERE and make your voice heard!
ONF – Summer Light
ONF are in their mid-boy-group-life “pretend the studio is oh so exciting” crisis.
Queenz Eye – Feel the Vibe
The vibe today is screechy with a chance of annoying.
Gwangil Jo ft. Chin – Light
Burvey – Aqua Blue
Burvey are one of those groups like Busters, that collect stans partly out of creepiness but mainly just out of pity. You assume they’re probably getting shat on and mistreated every day so you stan them just so at least there’s one tiny thing positive in their life. Look how absolutely devastated most of the girls look in this thing, they can barely get it together enough to crack a smile when the cameraperson asks. They definitely have a “ringing phone numbers at the end of k-pop news articles” look about them, poor girls. People will shit on me for this review but in a few years time some real shit will go down and you’ll remember that I called it and wish you’d taken what I wrote more seriously back in 2025.
N.TOP – Stay With U
Not awful but I don’t know, it’s certainly lacking something. And why is the mix so dull? Those drums sound like they were recorded in the toilet next door.
N.TOP – Take A Shot
Their other song isn’t as good musically but at least someone remembered where the treble control was on the mixing desk.
ARISE – Oobs
What a weird song. If the weakly dancified version of late 60s psychedelic pop riffs doesn’t get your attention, the lady with the voice like Ol’ Dirty Bastard sure will. Now who says all k-pop singers sound the same? Oh, that was me, actually. I guess this girl chucked a sickie on charm school voice training day.
Sweety Squad – Make You Dance
K-pop agencies notice that you are mainly buying the music of younger performers, so… they did this. Be sure to thank them, won’t you? Hey it’s still better than “Woke Up In Tokyo“.
CSS Male Group – Blue Lagoon
I support the idea of people putting “male group” in their group names, so we know to just skip it.
MIMIMINU x tripleS Jiwoo & Yooyeon – Happiness Over Luck
Oh my god, I don’t even know who is who when there’s only two of them, how am I going to go when I have to remember all 24 very shortly…
d4vd feat. Hyunjin – Always Love
This collab between some R&B guy and some Stray Kids guy sounds like… Pink Floyd, for some reason? I guess I’ll take it. Could have used a guitar solo but whatever.
Ryu Sujeong – Beautiful
Hey an ex-Lovelyz member manages to not be boring! It’s always worth alerting the news channels when that happens. This is pretty rocking in a nice mellow way actually.
Jung Soomin feat. Adora – Telepathy
Don’t get excited now, Adora is only in this limp song as a computer avatar or some bullshit. You can safely skip it, we’ll have to wait for next time to get our Adora visual queen fix and no I am not being sarcastic.
Heize – 3 kinds of you
There’s three kinds of Kpopalypse, the kind that skips boring ballads, the kind that stans nugus, and the kind that tells you all to vote in the Kpopalypse 2025 Objectification Survey which is still open for a limited time only (like your’ faves’ careers), so CLICK HERE to participate and have your say in who are the most attractive men and women of k-pop!
SUMMER CAKE – Bake
Usually I wouldn’t even cross the street to piss on “visualisers” that are just a short lazy loop that persists for the entire video, but given that it’s still Kpopalypse 2025 Objectification Survey season I just want to applaud her for effort.
MUU – ContiNEW
It’s okay but I mainly just admire the ambition of the music video. They’re trying really hard here to do the best they can with almost nothing other than a messy bedroom.
Loco feat. Feby Putri – No where
Accurate song title of the week. Hey, Loco has won it two weeks in a row now!
Mintty – Sigma Girl
My song submitter tells me that this awful song is from Mintty the ex-Tiny G member. So I guess we’re all officially forgetting now about that other Mintty, the one who always wore a bucket hat half over her face and rapped in an annoying high-pitched girly whine so she could pretend to be ten years younger than she was and made music even worse than this (if you can imagine that). Oh fuck it maybe her name was actually something else, I can’t even remember all this shit music…
BE’O feat. Changmo – Iconic
This song sucks so instead let’s have our weekly non-Korean LGBT feature here, yay! This week it’s Angel Haze, a pansexual rapper who has one of the most moving songs about child abuse and self-discovery that I’ve ever heard. Even the weak Eminem beat won’t stop this track from staying with you long after it’s over.
Tray B feat. Fleeky Bang – YEL Locked In
This won’t though! You’ll forget what this sounds like by tomorrow.
Chae Eunjung, Haeun, IK Brothers – In The Sunlight
Those of you who like Chae Eunjung from the most recent Kpopalypse Nugu Alert will be happy to know that she’s just popped out something else which is pretty similar both visually and musically and even has the same token rappers on it.
Synthesis – Tikitaka
I missed this group’s debut but nobody noticed because they’re bad. This new song of theirs is cringe nursery rhyme melody nonsense, I know you’re thinking about clicking because it’s a new girl group but just don’t.
Rockit Girl – Summer Wish
Okay so this is definitely on the lower end of Rockit Girl songs music quality wise, but Rockit Girl underperforming is still better than most people’s biases at their peak. Also it always amazes me how little love Leeseul gets in the Objectification Surveys, certainly she’s one of the worst ever performers in it when you look at sheer effort-to-results ratio.
RANDOM BONUS VIDEOS OF THE WEEK
MADEIN S – BLUE SNACK CHAT
Okay so their CEO may be creepy as a motherfuck but at least they let the girls eat half a donut and a tiny cake each for this video, on the balance of things that means they’re probably still less abusive than SM.
Xiwang Kpop Tea – Red Velvet Yeri Reveals SM Entertainment Trainee Spine Clinic Story | Fans Outraged
Speaking of which, did you know that SM sent Red Velvet’s Yeri to a “spine clinic” to help her grow taller, instead of… you know, feeding her? K-pop agencies, tsk tsk. Just your regular Kpopalypse reminder that all k-pop is physical and mental torture and that you should always consider this when deciding “what side to pick” the next time some k-pop group and their company have a fight.
Girls’ Generation & 2PM – Cabi Song
A song made to originally promote a water park, released back in the days when Girls’ Generation had the midas touch and 2PM were relevant, “Cabi Song”‘s repetition gives it an odd mantra-like quality and it’s coupled with a very strange mix complete with eerie Van Halen style keyboards lurking just in the background all the way through that you can’t unhear once you hear. The video is equally weird with its odd bootcamp-style scenes and some kind of strange attempt at a “plot” going on with everyone getting bitchy and side-eyeing each other (just like the girls would do for real later on) that sort of undercuts the whole “water parks are fun places to meet your friends and take a dip” vibe by quite a lot. At least everyone looks clean and sparkly although I notice they left Sunny out of the picture probably because she’d no doubt upstage everyone [insert reminder that if you feel nostalgic for her or any other second-gen men and women pictured here you should vote in the Objectification Survey, do it caonima before I close it off or don’t complain when the results posts come out and your bias gets shat on yet again]
That’s all for this week! Kpopalypse roundup returns next week! In the meantime, don’t forget that the Kpopalypse 2025 Objectification Survey is now open, so CLICK HERE to participate and have your say in who are the most attractive men and women of k-pop!
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